Where I make fun of an 80s song
On Valentine’s Day, this song played on the radio, then the DJ came on and called it a “love song for Valentines.”
Um. Really? Let’s break it down:
“All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You” by Heart
It was a rainy night
When he came into sight,
Standing by the road,
No umbrella, no coat.
(He doesn’t even have the sense to come in out of the rain. Always a good sign.)
So I pulled up alongside
And I offered him a ride.
(What are the chances the guy who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain was attractive, as opposed to this?)
He accepted with a smile,
So we drove for a while.
I didn’t ask him his name,
This lonely boy in the rain.
Fate, tell me its right,
Is this love at first sight?
Please don’t make it wrong,
Just stay for the night.
(Aw, a one night stand with someone you picked up on the side of the road, who doesn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain and who’s name you don’t know.)
(This is where I need to tell you that the phrase “make love” is as irritating to me as “moist” and “panties” are to some of you. For the remainder of the lyrics, I will replace that phrase with what is really going on here.)
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
Say you will
You want me too
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
I’ve got lovin arms to hold on to
So we found this hotel,
It was a place I knew well
(She does this often? She knows the hourly rate? Do you think they have package deals?)
We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
So many times, easily
(Please. I can’t even bring the “woman out of ME” one time easily. Now I know for sure this song is full of it.)
And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
(So this guy is going “SCORE” I don’t have to be all… so, you wanna get some breakfast? Although he was probably bummin’ that he lost his ride. I wonder if it’s still raining.)
I told him
I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree
(And only a guy too dumb to come in out of the rain would be too dense to pick up on this reference.)
Don’t try to find me,
Please don’t you dare
Just live in my memory,
You’ll always be there
(Sweet, no child support!)
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
I’ve got lovin arms to hold on to
Oh, oooh, we made love, Love like strangers
(You mean awkward and bumpy?)
All night long
I got sperm
Then it happened one day,
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
(Classy. Why didn’t she slap some sunglasses on the kid?)
I said please, please understand
I’m in love with another man
(But before she asked “is this love at first sight?”)
And what he couldn’t give me
Was the one little thing that you can
(This kid’s eyes are so distinctive that this random dude immediately knows he’s the sperm donor without needing a DNA test but the “other man” hasn’t figure it out … is she married to Stevie Wonder?)
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is take sperm from you
Say you will, you want me too
All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
(This song puts the VD in Valentine’s Day.)
For more Tickle Me Tuesday’s Head to Memarie Lane.
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Posts
February 19th, 2008 at 7:57 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! and yes, all of those terms irritate me, too. so does anything heart produced post-1980. i think the wilson sisters had a brain transplant then.
February 19th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Way to dissect the song. I’ve often wondered where those lyrics came from myself. Another real winner? I want your sex. Classy 80s songs.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..The one with the butt probe?
February 19th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Manipulative women. Hapless, horny men.
Ahh, if I could only be so fertile.
Cricket’s last blog post..Coming and going
February 19th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Oh you kill me…If you think about it songs were WAY more “dirty” back then..70’s and 80’s. Rod Stewart: If you want my body and you think I’m sexy…
What an era…
Free love…sex…drugs…rock and roll…and my Mork and Mindy suspenders
MP’s last blog post..What Day Is It?
February 19th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Gotta love the 80s….good dissection of the song!
Amy W’s last blog post..Pictures
February 19th, 2008 at 10:50 am
It makes me wonder how is that I did not become a song writer.
Blogversary’s last blog post..love, the writing on the shirt
February 19th, 2008 at 11:18 am
And don’t forget Dr Hook in the creepy song category.
Although there were no baby daddy tricks in his tunes.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Tickle Me Tuesday the Third
February 19th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Okay, next you have to do that 4 Non-Blondes song. Or pretty much anything by George Michael.
Marie’s last blog post..Tickle Me Tuesday
February 19th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Bahahaha!! Hilarious.
Kyla’s last blog post..[insert title here]
February 19th, 2008 at 11:40 am
“Make-love” drives me insane. I love the way you picked it apart, though I can’t say as I knew all of the lyrics to begin with!
Natalie’s last blog post..Today is Random Post Day! This Weekend in Short, Unrelated Topics
February 19th, 2008 at 11:46 am
LOL That is too good!!
Elissa’s last blog post..Quilt
February 19th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Slut!
No seriously, you are so right. I hadn’t really listened to it before but that is in no way romantic. Desperate? You betcha!
And I agree. “make love” is a phrase I snicker at everytime I hear it used. When my husband and I were first together he tried to say it and I laughed in his face.
We use euphamisms or just call it what it is. We are straight forward like that.
February 19th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Gr8 post - way to put out a new perspective *giggling* Making love is such an interesting term too, I say.
Rhonda’s last blog post..This and That
February 19th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Oh mah frickin GAWD, seriously?? I wanna take your SPERM??? EEEEWWW!! My “get some play” = your “make love” - although I do get a little squeamish @ make love now that I think about it.
VDog’s last blog post..Weekly Winners - My Babes
February 19th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
LMAO at your disection
I’ve always been fascinated by that song for the same reason. It’s really not pc in this age of HIV etc.
Jenty’s last blog post..Dancing to the tune
February 19th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
ok, why does the word sperm squick me out so bad?
flutter’s last blog post..In the shadow of dreams
February 19th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Oh my gosh - I’m in hysterics! I’ve heard this song a million times but it’s one of those that I guess I never paid attention to what they were saying. I shall never hear it the same way again. Ha!!!
Diane’s last blog post..BIG CHANGES FOR THE MOMMY SPOT!
February 19th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
“(This song puts the VD in Valentine’s Day.)”
Hahahahaha! I’ve actually never paid full attention to the lyrics to this song. Wow.
Kelli @ Gohn Crazy’s last blog post..Ahhhh, Quiet!
February 19th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
you know we really all need to write a cooperative song together, doncha. a really bad one.
http://www.wrekehavoc.com
February 19th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
LOL I remember the first time I actually listened to the lyrics of this song after hearing it many, many times, and thinking…. what the heck????
this makes me laugh!
Missy’s last blog post..100 Things Meme
February 19th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Last time I heard the song I was struck by how dodgy the lyrics were.
Veronica’s last blog post..No No NO!
February 19th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Oh, thank you!!! Lawsa mercy, that was a good laugh. I have always thought that song was a bit bonkers. I was pretty proud of her for being the one who left (maybe she stuck him with the hotel bill? the dude who didn’t have a car?) because I felt like, “Hey! YEAH! You go, sister! Get yo sperm. Get yo ‘O’ and run like hayull!”
and then i realized that i just wanted a snuggle—you know, right after the making of the lurve? feh.
February 19th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
You’re too funny! And I say a big YES to all that–though Heart’s “Alone” was one of those high school era songs that made me sappy as only songs in high school can.
I always wondered what was so great about a song about a one-night’s stand. Bizarre!
Michelle at Scribbit’s last blog post..Shrinky Dinks for Grown Ups
February 19th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Hah. That’s what you get for actually analyzing a rock and roll song. First rule of rock and roll: There are no rules. Second rule of rock and role: There are no lyrics that make sense.
VE’s last blog post..Convenience
February 19th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
LOL! Oh isn’t it funny when you hear a song like this at the grocery store or better yet the YMCA? I always think “are the grannies in here as embarrassed about these bad lyrics as I am? Maybe they’ve got the iPod’s blaring Lawrence Welk and they can’t even hear it.
skiplovey’s last blog post..Chompers for real this time
February 19th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
you are very clever or you have too much time on your hands. or both.
what’s that heart song…not barracuda, not alone…there’s one that i like. oh shit, i can’t think of it.
you da mom’s last blog post..Night And Day
February 19th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
hahahahahahaha
I always kind of just shook my head at the orignal lyrics as being rather silly….
ewe_are_here’s last blog post..Norwegian Silliness
February 19th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Wow! I have never heard it broken down that way before. I bet there are a lot of songs that really don’t make sense , but set to music…they ROCK!
InTheFastLane’s last blog post..EEWWW
February 19th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you! That song has always irritated me, when referred to as a love song, and the whole “make love to you,” bit…
“All I want to do it have a one-night stand with you,” is more like it…
As I used to say when I was single, “Happy VD!”
RC’s last blog post..Happy birthday to me
February 19th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Oh dear. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.
There are tears on my cheeks, I am laughing so hard.
It is obvious that this was written by a male.
Anyone who thinks a man can bring the woman out of a woman more than once is definitely male.
Tiffany’s last blog post..Another midwife story. A lesson in wisdom.
February 19th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Hysterical! I knew there was a reason that I hated that song. Leave it to a man to think that a tune like this would be a great Valentines Day song.
PS: Thanks for the mojo — it’s working!
February 19th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
And I also always wondered… why in the hell would you want to take sperm from some random idiot in the rain? Aren’t you supposed to want smat sperm or something?
Heh.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Alli, I think he peed your carseat.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:12 am
Dude….I pretty much think of anything from the 80s as a “sacred cow” because I heart the 80s. But, seriously, I love the analysis here, I always thought the chick in the song was a total ho-bag. I mean, seriously, her choices are questionable, she didn’t get that memo about STDs in high school.
Sonia’s last blog post..She’s Going to Sing Tribute Songs in Boca When She’s Older
February 20th, 2008 at 1:30 am
way to bring the slut to light and make sure no one feels romantic when listening to 80’s songs.
Kara’s last blog post..Justified Choices
February 20th, 2008 at 4:16 am
i’m so pathetic that i don’t know this song. of course, in the ’80s, i was listening to raffi and “the wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round …” and a few other choice preschool ditties. (yes, i’m older than all of you. so sue me.)
janet’s last blog post..Why we have had no hot water for four days
February 20th, 2008 at 5:35 am
hehehehehe I remember this song..
cheers kim..
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..wordless wednesday
February 20th, 2008 at 6:48 am
Oooooh you are dirty.
Fabulous babe! I never even thought to change the lyrics to ‘all I wanna do is take sperm from you’ pure lyrical genius there girl!
Have you thought of writing for Poison or Guns and Roses?
Kelley’s last blog post..Give up your seat on the bus for the old lady.
February 20th, 2008 at 7:01 am
Okay Im seriously slow when it comes to some songs so maybe, just maybe (although I highly doubt it) some people really think this is a love song. Kind of like Lips of an Angel, that song drives me mad. As catchy as it is, the meaning is not “loving” in any way.
SJSFalter’s last blog post..Story Time
February 20th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I remember when that song came out! I in middle school or something and I hated it! I thought it was so low.
Shelly’s last blog post..Worried/ Blue
February 20th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
i think i prefer your version. what a slut that woman is. i’m jealous.
zoe’s last blog post..And the Oscar goes to….
February 21st, 2008 at 1:21 am
Hilarious! I had forgotten all about this one.
A Valentine’s Day song? Not if you’re the significant other in this scenario.
Arkie Mama’s last blog post..For my little guy…
February 21st, 2008 at 7:16 am
very funny Dawn - you are so talented.
Babyamore (Trish)’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday -Sunrise
February 21st, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Ok, that was the funniest thing I have read in a long time.
HRH’s last blog post..Nutritional math and a disgruntled pachyderm…
February 24th, 2008 at 2:47 am
That was so funny!
Kelly’s last blog post..Big Scare Today!
February 24th, 2008 at 9:43 am
I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of the song, but oh boy, that is just funny. Love your comments.
Rose Daughter’s last blog post..Normal
February 25th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
This is just classic funny!!!
That song has ALWAYS creeped me out. I love your version.
Lisa Tobin’s last blog post..My kids favorite show