I can only imagine …
what it will be like …
I’ve spent so many hours mentally preparing for a fight this weekend.
when I walk, by your side …
Then on my way to the hospital the calls of urgency began to roll in.
I can only imagine …
Just a false alarm.
What my eyes will see …
You knew I was by your side. You talked to me. We held hands for the first time that I can ever remember.
When your face, is before me …
Today you barely knew I was there. You had no voice. You could barely make your wishes known.
I can only imagine …
Two units of blood. Drain tubes. Picc lines. Catheter. Oxygen monitor. Oxygen tubes.
Surrounded by your glory …
I held your arms up to help you shift position. You held my arm and stared at it. I still don’t know why.
what will my heart feel …
I helped you move your feet and legs to see if you could find comfort. Your feet were white.
will I dance for you Jesus …
I left your side. It was time to shift gears from daughter back to friend. Back to bridesmaid.
or in awe of you be still …
and then I went to the rehearsal where the woman was praying about how Heaven would be cheering in the glory of the wedding tomorrow and I just can’t resolve how the same God who I look for in the hospital room is supposed to be filling that church with joy.
will I stand in your presence …
The bride so supportive, but I can’t tell a bride about all this. This is her happy weekend, this is all about new beginnings.
or to my knees will I fall …
Phone call from the nurse. Declining. Words I don’t even remember. Words that blur.
will I sing hallelujah …
Phone calls to family. Waiting.
will I be able to speak at all …
31 more minutes until I call the nurse again. Until I have to decide if family needs to start coming home. Until I face leaving my husband and my son to be a daughter and a sister. I’m so numb. There is so much left undone. (1129pm 3/28/08)
I can only imagine …
The nurse told us to come. My baby brother and I raced from different directions to make it.
When that day comes …
She called again … he was close.
And I find myself, standing in the sun …
We ran. We ran to him.
I can only imagine …
115am. 3/29/08 He died as we walked in the room.
When all I will do …
We held his hands. I held my brother. I closed his eyes. I called Deacon and Forbes while I held my Dad’s hand.
Is forever, forever worship You …
I am numb.
I can only imagine …
(italics “I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me)
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Posts
March 29th, 2008 at 7:04 am
I am speechless. I am thinking of you. Empty words of comfort. Heartfelt thoughts across the oceans.
March 29th, 2008 at 7:20 am
Sending you deepest sympathies, prayers and hugs.
Margaret’s last blog post..Update
March 29th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Oh. Nothing I can say except… that’s sucky and you have my sympathies.
missdv’s last blog post..For Nw when he reads this on Monday morning..
March 29th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Dawn- I am so very sorry. I am sending up Episcopal prayers of comfort this morning.
O merciful Father, who hast taught us in they holy Word that thou dost not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men: Look with pity upon the sorrows of thy servant for whom our prayers are offered. Remember Dawn, O Lord, in mercy, bourish her sould with patience, comfort her with a sense of the goodness, lift up thy countenance upon her, and give her peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
Mary Alice’s last blog post..Velvet Memories
March 29th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Thinking of you….
Angela’s last blog post..The Best Writing Exercise
March 29th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Came over here from “From the Frontlines.” I’m so sorry for your loss, and hope that you find peace and comfort soon…
Esme’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: My Day
March 29th, 2008 at 8:57 am
With thoughts of you and your family, I pray for strength and celebration of his life during this difficult time.
I’m so sorry for the loss you are feeling.
Nancy’s last blog post..Table for Three, Please
March 29th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I am so sorry for your loss. Your way of writing this out was lovely and I’m shedding a few tears for you.
Pgoodness’s last blog post..Too many
March 29th, 2008 at 10:26 am
I am so sorry, Dawn. for your loss. You are in my thoughts.
March 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Girl Girl Girl…I’m huggin you.
Sunshine’s last blog post..This is Your Kid. This is Your Kid When His ADHD Meds Have Worn Off. Any Questions?
March 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your post is so beautiful and sad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Colleen’s last blog post..My new haircut.
March 29th, 2008 at 11:13 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard losing our parents. I pray you have many wonderful memories.
You are in my prayers.
Shirley’s last blog post..I Have a Crazy Wonderful Life
March 29th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I’m so sorry Dawn. Your post is so poignant, sending you all of my love for you and your family xx
Marylin’s last blog post..Hai, kud you pass me the pie?
March 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I’m so sorry for your lost. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Calista’s last blog post..Manners
March 29th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.
InTheFastLane’s last blog post..Bragging
March 29th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I’m sorry for your loss. It is not easy losing a parent, or any other loved one. I hope you and your family find peace.
Ewokmama’s last blog post..Parenting Solo
March 29th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
You and your family will be in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.
LSM’s last blog post..What To Take
March 29th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Sent your way by Mary Alice. I’m sorry for your loss. I know what a tought time this is.
Jenn @ Juggling Life’s last blog post..You say it’s your birthday/ It’s my birthday too–yeah
March 29th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I am so sorry. That was beautiful…
HRH’s last blog post..Back to the future…
March 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
{{hugs}} I wish I was there to take you in my arms and hold you tight my friend. Your family will be in my thoughts.
Ree’s last blog post..Calm and Serene
March 29th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
i am so sorry for your loss. hold on to the ones around you. you will get through this. be gentle with yourself.
Yo’s last blog post..earth hour, 2008–TODAY!
March 29th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Oh Dawn.
I’m holding you close from far away.
Kyla’s last blog post..I should write today…
March 29th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
So sorry, Dawn. My thoughts and prayers are with you this day.
julie’s last blog post..Firenze.
March 29th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
There aren’t words for that kind of pain, but I’m sending my prayers and wishes for strength right now. I am sorry for your loss.
Jennifer H’s last blog post..Sleeping in (a letter to my children)
March 29th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss Dawn. My thoughts are with you and your family
(((HUGS)))
Jenty’s last blog post..This year is flying
March 29th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Oh hon, I’m so sorry.
magpie’s last blog post..Put the milk in the coffee!
March 29th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. I send all my thoughts and prayers to you on this day.
Mrs. G.’s last blog post..Superbness
March 29th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
That was beautiful. I’m sorry for your loss. He is with you in your sons eyes.
Jennifer’s last blog post..I shudder.
March 29th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
So sorry. No one can prepare for that. Beautiful post. Sending strength to you and your family.
March 29th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I will keep him in my prayers. I’m sorry you have to go through this pain, and if there is anything I can do, please let me know.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..HF: 5000 voices
March 29th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
oh sweet girl. So much love for you
flutter’s last blog post..a tale of two blondes
March 29th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I’m so sorry. My deepest sympathies.
Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..Can I Get a Second Chance?
March 29th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
So terribly sorry for your loss.
Toni’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Birthday Edition!
March 29th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Got here via Mary Alice
My deepest sympathies are with you and your family. I am very sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain you must feel. I will keep you in my prayers.
amy’s last blog post..Having everything?
March 29th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Oh Dawn, I am so sorry. That was very beautifully written though. Gorgeous use of the poem. So sorry for your loss. Hugs and sympathies.
tpgoddess’s last blog post..The songs of your life
March 29th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Oh, Wondertwin. My heart is with you and your family.
The Other Dawn’s last blog post..HaI.U.D.
March 29th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
My deepest condolences on your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
skiplovey’s last blog post..Plants, not a metaphor for life in any way.
March 29th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Powerful. Thanks for sharing.
Best to you all.
A Whole Lot of Nothing’s last blog post..I Am (Not) Bossy
March 30th, 2008 at 2:05 am
that was a beautiful tribute. My prayers and thoughts and tears are for you and your family tonight.
Kara’s last blog post..All together…
March 30th, 2008 at 3:18 am
i’m so sorry, dawn.
hugs
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Weekly Winners: March 23-29
March 30th, 2008 at 3:27 am
Dawn, I came through from Mary Alice’s blog, and I wanted to add my consolations. I am very sorry for your loss.
Heidi
Heidi’s last blog post..Bestest of Brothers
March 30th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Oh Sweetie, crying for you here.
I am thinking about you and sending my thoughts your way. (((hugs and love)))
Veronica’s last blog post..Weekly Winners/Rant About Wordpress Edition
March 30th, 2008 at 11:46 am
[...] I want him back. How do I do this without him? Filed Under: Good Good Stuff on March 30th, 2008 [...]
March 30th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Sending hugs your way. I am so sorry for your loss.
Mrs. F’s last blog post..Adventures with Scissors for a 4-Year Old
March 30th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I’ve just come from Mary Alice’s blog - she sent the same wonderful wave of blog friends to me in January when my Dad died and it was wonderful to know that so many strangers(but friends0 were holding us in their thoughts.
I don’t know how it is that the same God who is there at death’s bedside can be present at a wedding in the same spirit of life - We had a passage from Ecclesiastes at the funeral which seemed to help it all make sense - the bit about to everything there is a season…..
All my condolences to all your family - I hope you have some good times among the tears remembering your father and spending time together - those are my best memories of the time after my Dad died.
Kit’s last blog post..WTSIM Lentil Soup
March 30th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
I’m so very sorry for your sad loss. My condolences.
Secret Agent Mama’s last blog post..Weekly Winners XIX
March 30th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Oh Sweetheart..I am so sorry . xxx
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Weekly Winners.. WooHoo!!!!
March 30th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers are with you–losing a father, is so difficult. I’m glad you could be with him to say goodbye.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..That’s just crazy talk
March 30th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Dawn.
There are no words but I am thinking of oyu.
Tiffany’s last blog post..Weekly Winners.
March 30th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
This is beautiful. I’m so sorry.
March 31st, 2008 at 12:13 am
All I can do is send you my sympathies. And even that seems like too little.
But there you have it… You have my deepest sympathies on your loss. And all of the conflicting feelings that come with your loss.
{{{{{[[[[[HUGS]]]]]}}}}}
RC’s last blog post..Finally back home
March 31st, 2008 at 12:30 am
Still thinking of you. Lots of love.
Welcome to the club. heh.
March 31st, 2008 at 1:16 am
I’m so sorry for your loss.
JCK’s last blog post..Evidently wrinkle cream should NOT be mixed with hemorrhoid cream
March 31st, 2008 at 4:13 am
I am so sorry for your loss, Dawn. What a beautiful post, and I thank you for sharing. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time. You let me know if I can help with anything. The loss of a parent is never easy, regardless of their age and whether you were expecting it.
**HUGS**
Grandy’s last blog post..It’s not about me
March 31st, 2008 at 10:08 am
I cry as I read. My God wrap you in his Love and give you Strength.
HappyCampers’s last blog post..Wednesday CoOp: It’s A Windy Day!
March 31st, 2008 at 10:46 am
Oh, honey - I am so very sorry.
Jen M’s last blog post..Monday snark….
March 31st, 2008 at 11:38 am
I’m so sorry, Dawn….
the dragonfly’s last blog post..Child, thy name is Perpetual Motion
March 31st, 2008 at 11:45 am
I am so very sorry Dawn, I can’t imagine what you are going through. My heart is breaking as I read this. You wrote so heart-wrenchingly in the midst of your grief.
Please know I am praying for you and for your family, may God keep you all in his arms.
Kristen’s last blog post..Time off!
March 31st, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Came here by way of Mary Alice, very sorry for your loss.
Fannie’s last blog post..Cacophony
March 31st, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’m sorry honey.
Ron
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..HERLLO WARRIORS
March 31st, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Oh Dawn, I’m so torn for you. I don’t read over the weekend, and didn’t even realize this when I emailed you yesterday.’
I pray for your peace and comfort.
April 1st, 2008 at 6:07 am
[...] was hard. I ran on dread and adrenaline the entire month. And then it was suddenly over. A jarring, sickening, slamming of the breaks, wind knocked out of you, [...]
April 1st, 2008 at 9:23 am
Oh, I am so, so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful post.
Arkie Mama’s last blog post..A sweet moment in the storm
April 1st, 2008 at 9:40 am
MY thoughts are with you during this time.
Blogversary’s last blog post..no love for barney
April 5th, 2008 at 4:44 am
Dawn, I haven’t been here all week, and I’m just making my way through posts I’ve missed, and I’m SO SORRY I missed this. But late is better than never, and I want you to know I am thinking and praying for your comfort and peace, and that of your family. Please, please, tell me if there’s anything you need. Call, write, whatever.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..I like to kill 2 birds with one stone.
April 8th, 2008 at 6:16 am
[...] March 29, 2008, My Dad died and 65 people who had never met him, reached out their hands and their arms and their hearts to me. You all held me up and held me close. Now I am anticipating Alex Year Two and wondering what Dadless Year One will be like. [...]
April 8th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I don’t know if I’ve ever read a post this good in all my life.
Beyond sorry for your loss.
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Because I can’t afford to lose readers EVERY day….
April 8th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
i am so very sorry.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Dawn, I am so very sorry.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Man, I’m so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad.
Kelly O’s last blog post..Said cupcakes: Ginger-carrot with white frosting
April 12th, 2008 at 6:02 am
[...] then “it” happened. Two weeks ago just about right now was when the decline started, when the nurse [...]
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 am
Dawn, I’m so sorry that I am just now reading this. This was truly the most beautiful post I’ve ever read. I’m sorry, though, that it had to come from such a horrible loss. Sending you hugs via the interwebs.
Karly’s last blog post..Dear You, Read This. Sincerely, Karly
March 28th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
[...] made it. I have passed 365 days without Dad. I have written every date on the calendar without Dad. (Except 2/29. Whatever.) I have put Alex to [...]
March 29th, 2009 at 9:14 am
[...] Dad died a year ago today. [...]