Advice for Flying
Historically I have some wicked bad anxiety over flying. It’s so bad that I’ve convinced myself many times that if I get over my anxiety that the plane will fall out of the sky. (It’s a phobia, it’s supposed to be irrational.)
I was sitting in the airport with my Dad several years ago and commented on my anxiety. He was shocked to hear it because he LOVED to fly, wanted to get on the plane first, sit by a window and enjoy the whole thing.
Which I found a little strange considering he’d been on recovery teams for the airline crash in Guam and EgyptAir.
I took comfort knowing that if I was on a plane that crashed that my dad would be on the recovery team – and God wouldn’t be so horrid as to make my Dad sift for me – so clearly I wasn’t going to die in a crash, and my anxiety was keeping the plane aloft anyway, so I had two things going for me!
And then he went and died. Fucker. Now what I was supposed to do?
Anyway. Back to that airport chat.
AFTER I tell him I’m SCARED of flying, he relays the following experience (told in his words. Add your own drawl as needed.)
“I was on a flight to go to conference to speak about [one of the airline crashes]. I opened my briefcase and started going through notes and pictures. I noticed the guy next to me perk up and looking over my shoulder. He finally said, “Okay, WHAT are you doing looking at plane crash photos on an airplane?”
“We talked for a while, I explained what I did. He asked me what would make my job easier and I told him I wished that when a plane was going down that everyone shove their thumb up their ass.”
(um, zomgwtf Dad?)
“Well, you see, there tends to be fires with air crashes. Fingerprints are great identifiers but easily lost in a fire. A torso is very thick and would protect that thumb/fingerprint and make identification much easier and be able to get the victims back to their loved ones.”
“After the flight, I got my luggage and went to the bathroom where I ran into this guy again, and he told me he’d thought a lot about what I said and if he was ever on a plane that went down, I’d know who he was because of the thumb up his ass.”
So when Scout and Alex and I flew to Chicago a couple weeks back, I asked, “So do we round robin the thumbs up the ass? If so, I totally get Alex’s thumb.”
(I bet AllTop is real proud of this entry!)
July 14th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Oh All Top is still mortified by my last post, I am certain.
flutter’s last blog post..Where I am inclined to grow
July 15th, 2008 at 12:24 am
oh. my. gawd.
this is freakin’ hilarious.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Weekly Winners: July 6-12, or the chronicles of Carl
July 15th, 2008 at 4:55 am
Ah Alltop. I think after I wrote about vibrators I dropped a ton of spots. God knows I don’t get any traffic from them anyway.
And I love how you think.
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July 15th, 2008 at 5:39 am
I would think that there may be more thumbs in mouths. You know, people reverting and all at moment of death.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Preparation Moose
July 15th, 2008 at 6:01 am
Omg. That is hysterical. Not sure I’ll remember to do that but maybe there is a new market for fireproof gloves.
July 15th, 2008 at 9:34 am
i don’t want to think about traveling along.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Oh dear me! I am crying tears of laughter here at my desk. The best part is that I am getting on a plane tomorrow morning!! And I know know know that I WILL immediately flash back to this post as the plane takes off, and I will bust out in laughter and whoever is sitting next to me will know I am insane. Oh gawd..
Christina’s last blog post..Happy Birthday!
July 15th, 2008 at 11:30 am
hahahhaaa!! i HATE flying. something that weighs that much should not be in the air. and don’t try to contradict me with science or physics or any of that crap. it just shouldn’t be in the air.
i wonder what my next flight will be like? i usually grip the arm rests during the entire thing. maybe i’ll be gripping my button and zipper. or i’ll have to wear sweatpants… for easier thumb placement.
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July 15th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Okay, I’m just going to keep making life difficult for the recovery folks, I guess, as there is just no way…
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July 15th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I have a similar plane phobia. And, I just flat out WON’T get on one. But, I bet if ever I was on one, I’d be using that finger to make a quick sign of the cross!
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July 15th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I’m on a plane so often – I’m so remembering this.
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July 15th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I LOVE That idea. Your dad was a brilliant man! He knew his shit… lol
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July 15th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
hehehe. Gross! I think this is one of my fave stories about your Dad, love that humour.
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July 15th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
ZOMG, your dad was a Cracker, too! hee
CONGRATS on ALLTOP!! WOOOT!
July 15th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
HILARIOUS!!
My husband is a frequent flier. He’ll get a kick out of this.
July 15th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Oh my!
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July 15th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Hilarious! I’ll be flying north next Tuesday morning for a visit. Thanks for the tip.
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July 16th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Your dad was totally awesome. Like you needed me to tell you that though…
Oh and I just fell in love with you a little bit more for this line alone:
“And then he went and died. Fucker. Now what I was supposed to do?”
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July 16th, 2008 at 10:24 am
OMGOSH BEST POST EVER.
Absolutely beautiful. I am totally submitting you to Five Star Friday or something.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:39 am
[...] If you don’t read her blog you should, and beyond that, at least take a moment to read what she posted yesterday – a story about airplane anxiety.Go on. I’ll wait here for you to come back either groaning [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
OH MY! I’m such a mess when it comes to flying. I’d probably consider doing it!
p.s. I have totally irrational thoughts with flying as well. Thank goodness for drugs.
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July 16th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
hahhaha!!
Gives a whole new meaning to ‘two thumbs up’!
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July 16th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
You’re funny. I will think of this post when my kids and I are flying to Missouri! Thanks for the giggles!
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July 25th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
That is hilarious
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